very sad

I come home tonight-and after trying to make a call to a friend-that I usually talk to every Thursday night-I find myself sitting here alone crying. yup crying. and no not because I didn't get a hold of my friend. Because I am extremely homesick-I don't even think that is the word for it. today is the day my old pre-school kids were graduating today in Omaha. I had those kids for 2 years-and they meant/mean the word to me-and I promised them I would come back for their graduation (when I left k4j for another job) and even though they don't remember this promise I do. and it breaks my heart-that I couldn't be there and bawl my eyes out with my old co-workers.

2nd off-I brought the kids to the park today (FYI 80something degrees today, gorgeous) and there were like 5 moms their with their kids-and it made me sad that, that is what I use to do with my kids I watched and friends of mine-have play dates-and now I have none.

3rd-the weather is getting nicer which use to mean Thursday nights out on the patio at Houston's-and I miss those chats to much. I miss those nights of talks and beers and telling complete strangers complete lies-about ourselves (had to be there on those many occasions).

I miss Omaha so much-and it seems the closer I get to being able to go back and visit-the worse this is getting. I thought this would get easier the more I was here-but it's not. Everytime I see something on FB about someone doing something it sucks-I hate this-I want to be ok being here-I really do-but I really just can't! I'm super nervous I'm going to go back in 2 weeks and really not want to leave. I know that going back to Omaha is not going to happen anytime soon-unless by some miracle Matt gets a job back there-which isn't in the cards at the moment, maybe in the next few yrs-so he was told, but he's been told lots by hob lob (hence why we moved here) I put a brave smile on my face day after day-and I do have fun here with my ONE i repeat ONE friend-and I thank her deeply for putting up with my BS all the time,b/c a lot of the time I can be an emotional wreck-but the truth is-I'm miserable-straight out miserable!

I wasn't even this homesick when I moved away from Moorhead to begin with, because I knew I was 6 hrs away-if I wanted to come home on a wkend I called my parents up and said I'll be there by lunch time. here its saving $, booking plan tickets months in advance, taking time off work etc.. its a pain.

so again I'm just sad-and this is crap I've said before-but its 8 here and 10 there and I am sure everyone is in bed or almost in bed-so this is my only 'outlet' right now..

Well I just checked out who is in the final 2 for AI-I checked on line, since its JUST airing here now-and I am at least happy that Scotty and Lauren are in the top 2!! I hope Lauren takes it all-she's been my fave since her audition :)

Also I figured out what I am getting my tattoo of :D and I couldn't be more excited-ok I am a lil nervous-I really wanted it before I go back to Omaha-but I want to get it done in Fargo-so it will most likely be waiting until after Omaha..